Dealing With Difficult People By Being Assertive

Use Some Tips To Become More Assertive

By Lena Milukh 10 December 2008

Life doesn't go the way we want all the time . You certainly meet with some obstacles in your life. At work place or in personal life there would be situations when you have to deal with difficult people. Building relationships with them might be tough. But sometimes it is necessary.

       This is especially the case at work place, where you can't choose your colleagues. You have to communicate with different sort of people. How to cope with any kind of communication? Work is a place where majority of people spend a huge potion of time. Being surrounded with negative people can have a bad impact on your life. If hate your job and enter your workplace with fear, worries maybe even with aggressiveness every day, just imagine how would you feel in few years?

      Communication with difficult people can go few different ways. You can give them one of following  responses:

• Aggressive respond.   You actively defend your point of view often leaving no chance for interruption. This situation can even have a form of personal attack using sarcastic words and looking arrogant 
• Passive respond.   You don't make any confrontational and provocative actions. While this may seem more friendly to others, it almost certainly leaves you feeling frustrated after the conversation. 
• Assertive respond.   This response stands in between of previous ones. You make your point clear but without confrontation, in a more positive and polite way. 

    When dealing with difficult people it would be beneficial to adopt some assertiveness techniques. The reason for being assertive is to feel good after dealing with any challenging situation. Ideally this should be a win-win outcome in terms of mutual respect for the other person as well as self-respect. You won't feel sorrow, guilt or frustration afterwards.

    What possible results you can get by choosing different types of response?

•     By acting aggressively you can miss good deals, gain a feeling of mutual "hate" with a person involved and you both can even start the game of revenge, where each would use any opportunity to offence one other. If this is happening at your work place then this certainly won't serve you in a long run. 
•     Staying passive won't get you any result (at least not the ones you want), but actually can lead to frustration and maybe help to lower your self-esteem and self-importance. 
•     Being assertive in difficult situation is surely the best way you can choose. It's more likely to be a win-win outcome. You are happy about yourself as you express your opinion and you are fine with the other person as they feel their opinion is also considered. The benefits are obvious. 

 But assertiveness not only gives you a better feeling but also makes your communication with others look more professional. You stand out your interests while not insulting the other person.

       Some people are lucky enough to be naturally assertive. Others just need to learn and practice few techniques to become more assertive.

       Use the following tips to start you off:

• Watch how other people communicate and even persuade just about anyone around them by being assertive. What words they tend to use, the tone and speed of their speech, their body gestures and facial expressions. 
• Take a step and make a decision to improve your assertiveness. 
• Then imagine yourself being assertive. You can fake situations or use real ones from your life and imagine different scenarios of handling these challenges. It may sounds funny. But you know what? All great artists spend hours practicing their roles just to feel comfortable and natural when the day comes. 
• Next thing - take actions. They say to overcome the fear of something, all you need to do - is start doing what you fear the most. Seems like easier said than done. But this is a sure shortcut. People usually exaggerate things. Once you start, you may find things easier than you thought. With some practice your fear will fade. Start off with small steps. Once you master those, move to more complicated situations and so on. 
• Remember the importance of body language. Use such nonverbal signals that help your talk and show that you are confident. Speak clearly with steady tone. When stating your point, don't hurry. Make a habit to use more time before you give the answer. Eye contact is very important, but don't stare at people though. Avoid movement that show you worry, such as scratching, tapping, blinking eyes too often, touching your hair or face. 
• Make your message to be clear and understandable, don't waffle. Stop talking. Repeat your message if needed and do that as many times as you think is necessary. Use other words for expression if you feel the need. The main point is to not allow yourself to be sidetracked. 
• Try not to panic if you fail, especially at the beginning. Keep practicing and see the rewards coming your way. 

      Enjoy any conversation experience with right communication skills.

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