Personal Space In Nonverbal Communication. 

What We Need To Know About Personal Distance.

 Lena Milukh - 27 November 2008

     We all have a personal space which forms our comfort zone. Other name for it can be body space or more scientific proxemics. It is like non visible aura that gives us certain level of personal freedom. It belongs just to us and only we can decide who may or may not enter this space without us loosing that comfort.

      The size of body space varies from person to person, depending on personal background as well as cultural influence. But your personal space definitely changes due to some aspects. These include: who you are talking with, whether this person is your relative, friend, lover or a complete stranger, as well as some circumstances (like overcrowded place, where you have no choice, but be squeezed among others).

      The character of each person also has some impact on how easy person can shorten their space during communication. People who like to socialize feel more comfortable with changes of personal space. They use other body language gestures to help them during conversation. Said that they may touch other person, may provoke genuine or faked hugs and kisses. Introverts like their distance to be more spacious, use more closed body language and feel really uncomfortable when somebody intrudes into their comfort zone.

      Lets just take some examples on how personal space changes due to different factors

• The better you know the person the smaller the space between you. 
• space between two females is usually smaller than between female and male. 
• from the above point space between two males tends to be bigger, on average, than between two  females. The only close space can be if two males have close connection to each other like brothers or being gays. 
• space between lovers can be really small (if any). 
• space between a man and a woman can be bigger than usual if they don't know each other. 
• complete strangers have bigger space between them. 
• different cultures have various acceptable norms for personal space ( people from overcrowded countries  tend to have smaller distances) 
• people living in villages and smaller towns also have a closer distance during conversations, while people from big cities are less close. 

    We may distinguish four types of spaces between people:

Public zone. This is the space people leave between themselves and others in public places. Walking on the street can be as an example. Having such a distance make us feel safe and being with inner selves (with our thoughts). If somebody gets closer we have some time to react accordingly. Ofcourse there are times when this is impossible and this is when we have to adopt ourselves to situations.

Social zone. This space is a bit smaller than public one. Being in this zone people tend to have some connection with each other. They can have a conversation. But this still would be at a safe distance. As an example - that can be discussion in group of people who sit half round or a similar situation.

Personal zone. This is much closer distance, where two parties are involved in a direct discussion of something. 

Intimate zone. This is the closest possible distance, starting from an arm reach and closer. At such distance people can touch each other, look at each other eyes and use other nonverbal signals of more intimate character. At this point the two are much more involved in theirselves than of the rest of the world. Romantic mood can be in the air.

    Sometimes though people may enter intimate zone regardless willingness of the other person. This can be threatening and definitely uncomfortable for the other person. Such body language may express aggression to show power or can be just misunderstanding due to difference in background (culture let say).

    So what one should do if the other person seems to be too close?

    Ofcourse perfect situation would involve mutual understanding of the distance. But sometimes one of the person feels discomfort due to so called invasion of their territory by the other person. Not to be too far or too close, you should watch how the other person react on how you approach and certainly you shouldn't ignore your understanding of personal space. If you feel fine, but see that this worries the other person, then back off. if they seem to enter your territory, you can either invade back or make a clear gesture stepping back. If the latter doesn't work you can turn sideways. This is much less threatening than when person stays straight to you.

  There are much more body language gestures involved to protect your comfort zone from unwanted invasion. By knowing what subtle signals you can send, when and how to use them to protect your personal territory can be a real help. You never know when you may need these skills.

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